I <3 Core!

Robyn and i switched to core this week largely because I just couldn't hack 22 points. it was just too hard. I'm sure it'll be easier or I'll be able to handle it better when I go back to counting points, but I think that going to core for a while was the right thing to do. It's so nice not having to count points. And, as an added bonus, it's pretty much impossible (in my opinion) not to follow the Weight Watchers healthy guidelines. I am hungry, it's not meal time and I have fewer extra points left than I'd like, I reach for a banana, some pineapple, or even a glass of skim milk. And I don't feel unsatisfied or like I'm being cheated out of something yummy, because I love all of those things. Eating something that's not on the core list simply isn't an option in my mind right now. And shockingly, I'm totally ok with that. To me, that's way better at this point than counting points. Counting points really sucks sometimes.

How do you people do it?

Ok so this week I hit not one, but two of my goals. I hit the 90 lb mark, and I also went down 2 points. The latter is the one I'd like to focus on today.

Oh dear god how the hell do you people do it? I might just have to kill myself when I have to go down to 20 points. This is hard. Really, really hard. Especially when you've had a bad weekend filled with snacks, cookies, chocolate and alcohol like I did. That means my 35 points are GONE. It probably wouldn't be so bad if I had those extra cushiony points to fall back on, but I don't.
It also probably wouldn't be so bad if I was depressed from my horrendous weekend (not food related, other stuff) so I really could go for that cake that is currently sitting in my work kitchen. Or the taffy on the table by my co workers. Or pretty much anything in the vending machine. The only good thing is that I can't drive this week so I won't be able to go anywhere to get the piles of candy that would really truly make me feel better. However, I also have to rely on other people to take me to the gym until I can drive again.

This week is going to be one hell of a test in willpower and creativeness.

Weight Watchers Has Invaded My Soul

I have been doing so incredibly well this week. I have tracked every point, haven't gone over once, didn't spend all my extra points in one day, and have gone to the gym Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and am going today and tomorrow as well. I am totally one hundred percent refocused this week because I am only a little over a pound away to that 90 lb mark and I want that so badly I can taste it.

And apparently there is something else my subconscious wants so bad it had to go to alternative measures to taste. Chocolate. I had a dream last night that I gorged myself on the most delicious chocolate ever. Ok, so that's not so weird for a dream, especially for someone who loves chocolate and hasn't had any good chocolate in a while. But then came the part that shows just how much Weight Watchers has invaded my brain. Suddenly, in my dream, I began freaking out because I went over my points by eating said chocolate. And I began trying to figure out how many points exactly I went over and I was just so upset because I totally blew my week. It seemed so real. So much so in fact that when I woke up I had a few moments of "OMG I can't believe I ate all that, what was I thinking?!?" Then there was such relief when I realized it didn't actually happen.

P.S. This picture kinda freaks me out.

Nobody's perfect

I find it hilarious that some people think that just because I've lost 90 lbs that I am obsessive and perfect about what I eat. I forget the exact word used, I think it was "precise", but the meaning is the same. I mean, ok, yeah I have lost what some people see as a huge amount of weight (mostly people that aren't me - isn't that weird? But that's a topic for another post). But if I was perfect about the whole thing, don't you think I would have lost a lot faster? Last summer I lost 2 whole pounds. It's true, I looked it up. I blame the excessive alcohol consumption that took place. If I was so perfect about what I eat, I certainly would have lost a whole lot more than that. And for the first half of my weight loss, this woman sat right next to me! Does she not have eyes (disclaimer - this is not a jab at blind people)? Some weeks I'm certainly more focused than others, but never have I been 100% perfect. After all, who really is, in anything?

Don't mess with me dude. Just kidding!

I have this concern that people have this fear that I am going to preach the way of Weight Watchers to them. That if they say anything about wanting to loose weight, they think I will say "You should join Weight Watchers, it really works! Look how well it worked for me!" The truth is, I would never ever in a million years do that. If someone were to come to me and ask me questions specifically Weight Watchers related, I would be psyched to answer them. (and I do/have) Yes, I love Weight Watchers. Yes, I think it works better than most of the programs out there(notice I said most, there are other programs out there that do work). But I would never ever push that on someone else, anymore than I would push my religion on anyone else. And the truth of the matter is, until you are ready, really ready, not just say you're ready, it (or any other program) won't work for you anyway. Robyn told me I should join WW for years whenever I would bitch about my weight (she's allowed, she's my best friend to a fault sometimes - she wouldn't normally preach about WW to anyone either) and I would just get angry and annoyed.

On another note, and I am going to try to be careful about what I say here because I don't know who reads this. Recently this comment was made in response to a friends post about concern regarding her own weight: "Losing weight will be hard, but it's easier than quitting an addiction".
Ok. Now, I am in no way disregarding how difficult it is to quit smoking, gambling, to get clean and sober. Anyone who has overcome an addiction of any sort is just amazing and honorable. However. I actually look at food as my own personal addiction. I have brought this up in many meetings, and I know I am not the only one that feels this way. Food is good, man. Really really really good. Delectable even. And they just keep making it better and better. And nearly impossible to stay away from. It is in your face 24/7. Commercials on TV, in magazines, on billboards. You can't go anywhere without passing by an aisle of candy bars. Mmmmm....candy bars..... When people want to be social, they generally go out to eat. Someone's birthday? Have a piece of cake! Graduation? Celebratory cake! Anniversary? Promotion? Random Holiday? Cake cake cake! Feeling depressed? Man that tub of Ben & Jerry's would really hit the spot. That'll make me feel better. Bad day? Week? Month? Life? Have your favorite food, you deserve it. The difference is (and again, I am in no way discounting the accomplishments of those who have overcome smoking, gambling, drugs, alcohol, etc) You can't not eat. You need food to survive. You might try to do what many have and never again have a candy bar or potato chip ever again. Honestly, though, you probably won't succeed. You have to actually attempt to change your entire lifestyle, your entire upbringing, your entire frame of mind when it comes to food. I have no doubt that walking away from alcohol or cigarettes for the rest of your life is extremely difficult. All I'm saying is that loosing weight is no walk in the park either.