this & that - it's been a while

I am having severe WW motivational issues this week. Last week was just a complete disaster, I pretty much ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. The only positive thing was that I went to my aerobics classes. And I think that because we didn't go to a meeting this week or even step on a scale, I didn't get back on track like I needed to and now I'm having a hard time stopping myself from eating - or making the right choices with what I put in my mouth. I need to rethink this and refocus. Maybe go back to basics, find distractions so I am not always thinking about what I will eat next. I am scared to step on that scale this week, but I know I need it. I seriously need a swift kick in the ass. I have worked far too hard to get where I am. I don't want to backslide. Besides, I won't have any clothes, I gave everything that's above a size 14 away.

I keep having to remind myself that it's not a diet. It's a lifestyle, but then why oh why doesn't ben&jerry's coffee heath bar crunch fit into my lifestyle? It just doesn't seem fair. I mean, they sell it so it must fit into someone's lifestyle. Maybe just not someone who has 30 more lbs to loose?

Robyn and I got into a discussion on the way to or from(I forget which) camping this weekend about whether it's possible to be perfectly healthy and quite a bit (say 100 lbs)overweight. There is a huge difference between feeling healthy and being healthy. And even if, by some chance, all your blood tests, etc, come back 100% a-ok, that still doesn't meant that everything is fine and dandy. Your joints were not meant to carry that much extra weight, nor is your heart made to work that hard. Ask any doctor and they will tell you that there is a reason for that little bmi thingamajiggy.

I am a WW nazi, I know this. I get a little tired of people ordering a salad, because look how healthy they are being! And then smothering it with ranch dressing, or it comes covered in cheese and fries and they still smother it in ranch dressing and look how healthy they are being. because it's a salad! Or even telling me what they had for dinner and all about how healthy it is, but when I add it up in my head, that's like an entire weeks worth of points for me. Or worse, those people who say things like "when do these craving for these foods I really want go away - when does it get easier?" you know, those who deny themselves those things they want so so so badly. And I want to say "Join WW because really honestly you can have those thing son WW and still loose weight - You can't have as much as you want whenever you want, but you can have it, you don't have to deny yourself to loose weight, really!" But I don't. I bite my lip because I don't want to sound like I am preaching or trying to sell something. They will more likely than not end up getting defensive and mad at me. I know I would get mad at me.

Ok I'm done with this totally random and probably senseless post. I am going to try and take this one day at a time for now instead of thinking about how far until the next meeting (can't wait to see you guys again!) Today, my goal for today, not for this week, just for today, is to stay on program (which this week is still core) and just have a good day where I am happy with my choices and my self control. It's just one day, I can do this. I know I can

BMI goodness!

I just put my height and weight into one of those BMI calculator thingies and guess what! I am no longer obese! I am officially "overweight".
This is so awesome, and a huge deal for me. I have been waiting for this! Next step: normalcy!

ok, NOW I'm back on program....

GPS: the ultimate weight loss cop out.

Where I work, the Gastric Bypass surgery is fairly common. I can count 6 people off the top of my head who have had this done. One woman even loss less than I have so far when she got it. (she lost around 89, I lost 92- as of 2 weeks ago)
It's no secret how I feel about people having this done. I feel that in some extreme cases it is justified, but I also think that it is way over used by people as a quick fix - a way to loose weight without having to adjust the way they eat or how much exercise they do. I'm not at all saying that it's an easy thing to go through, but I am saying that it's a way to loose the weight in a very unhealthy way without having to use too much willpower and without relearning how to eat - which is why many people gain back the weight.

Yesterday a woman I work with who had GPS quite a while ago happened to be working along side me at something and quietly began talking to me about my weight loss - asking me how much I lost and how long it had taken me, how much I have left to go etc. This woman admittedly looks great, she lost well over 100lbs and seems to have kept it off - although according to a mutual friend, she has gained some back. She also told me that she thinks it's great and that she's impressed and that it's a great commitment I have taken on. I responded how I do to everyone who says similar things to me (though she is the first to use the commitment word which is interesting in and of itself) by smiling, thanking her, making comments about how it isn't easy, but I'm doing my best, etc. However with her I felt a little off. Should I have talked to her about her own weight loss? Complimented her on how good she looks? Asked her how she's doing with the maintaining? I am not a fake person and it would have felt fake to discuss some of these things with her because my face is far too easy to read and my mouth has this tendency to say things before my mind can think ahead to the consequences. I didn't want her to see how much I had disapproved of what she had done and I didn't want to fakely compliment her on a weight loss that I don't think she "earned". Plus I don't really know this woman. Perhaps she had tried everything else and couldn't get the weight off - perhaps there were other underlying medical issues and her doctor saw GPS as her only option. But you know, there isn't much that's a secret where I work, and I don't think this is the case. Besides, there are two other women where I work who had a stern weight loss related talking to by their doctors (the if you don't loose weight you will die talk) and they both made the decision to do something about it in a healthy way and are doing just fabulously in their weight loss journey now - sans surgery. So how should we talk to those with GPS? Does it seem horrible to say nothing about their weight when they compliment you on yours (though I admit I have said "you look great" to some of them, but only in passing when I know it won't lead to a conversation)

In other news, don't laugh but I know I will gain tomorrow I have been less than perfect these past two weeks and I am back on program NOW. I also have resumed my gym routine thanks to my fabulously understanding roommates who still have to cart my ass around. I will probably post more about this later if I have time, but it can really be summed up in one word: Ouch.